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Earthling behind the scene.
 I am a free spirit writer. I write what I feel, in happy moments, in sad moments, and yet depressing ones. My blog represents how I think about things, I dont write to impress. I write to express. I am trying to express myself what half my world is exploding with emotional thoughts. |
I know that the only way to be is to fight my every fear. I forgive you.
20111128 | Monday, November 28, 2011
He/she did something bad to you, you cried for him/her, you're sad because of him/her. But you forgive him. Maybe simply because you love him/her.  I was lying on my bed, trying so hard to fall asleep. I was browsing through my blackberry video gallery. And suddenly, there's this video of us. Laughing. I never thought I still kept it, I thought they deleted it. I know, I'm not supposed to care, or to even cry anymore. But sometimes, you can't help it when sweet thoughts of happiness you used to have crossed your mind. And, I've made my decision. " Kenapa kau cakap kau maafkan dia ? " Because I wanna let go, fully. Maybe I was just trying so hard to hate, because I don't wanna remember anything about it. I tried so hard to hate, to ignore. When maybe the fact is that I was crushed to flat when I knew everything he did behind my back, and I was replaced. Maybe, that's why I've been trying so hard to hate. Because I don't wanna end up caring again and again. When actually, to be true, I can't even hate the person I used to give my all. I can say I hate. I can say I'm hurt, and I hate. Deep inside, somehow or rather. It's hard to hate someone you used to cherish. I was being mature. I forgive him, because I want to. Because I want to live my life, and I want everyone to live as well. And I wouldn't want some people's life miserable, because I didn't forgive them. Yes, I was hurt back then. So hurt. Only god knows how much miserable days i've gone through up till now. But when I think of it again, the more I hold grudges between us, the more I can feel it hurting me, and it won't crawl out of my mind. That's why I want to let it go so bad, and let God decide what's best for me to continue living my life. I forgive you. I forgive every single thing that you've done towards me. For every happiness, for every sadness and despair. For every heartbreak, and for every litre of tears you've caused. I forgive, everything. Simply because I can't hate someone I used to care so much, and I want to live my life without any regrets hating someone. I forgive every lies, and every games. I forgive, but it's up to god to show you how things work. Or shall I say, Allah's way to show you your lesson in life. And when the time comes, untuk masa kau diberi pengajaran, aku harap engkau sabar dan belajar, macam mana aku pernah bersabar dengan setiap luka dalam diri aku sejak aku diranap. Aku tahu, sakit perit. Tapi, kau boleh. Somehow or rather, when you grow older and wiser. Just remember that I was once this naive little girl, than gave all the love I have, and I was wrecked heartlessly, but I managed to forgive. Maybe just because, I know the true value of love. Yes, I forgive. But I don't forget. I'll remember this. :') " Apek, I said I forgive him. It's the right thing to do kan. I'm doing the right thing kan..it's not wrong kan.." " Yes, you are. You're strong."
Labels: a lovers rhapsody. |
